Its safer to assume, fairly or not, that they will react poorly and plan accordingly, especially when it could be your job on the linethey could complain about you to the manager or yell at you and even turn out to be a creepy stalker. Seriously, how do you ask out a cute cashier (F) without being "that guy"? It's long enough to exchange more than a couple of sentences and gauge interest. the flipside of male privilege men get to generally live their lives without an underlying fear of being rapedbut once in a while that fear comes in real handy. We always flirted, he always asked me about what was going on in my life, on and on. I know I have a weirdly strong opinion on this, but no. Who do I talk to about putting something on the store's bulletin board? I got asked for my phone number all of the time. Try to greet incoming customers within 30 seconds. But if she's more sensitive, even this will upset her, freak her out and make her uncomfortable every time she has to help you again. I felt like if something could prod him to say that, I must not have imagined it.). would be totally normal and appropriate. Id have to look it up, but I think its actually prohibited at the gym I work at to ask out members. By engaging the person in a discussion, you can explore their biases and try to clear up any possible misunderstandings. Give her an easy way out. Unless we want to rely on eHarmony to produce the next generation, you have to take advantage of opportunities that present in the real world.. Thanks for sharing your positive experience! My goal here is to help you not mess up. I mean, she's a cute cashier, she probably gets hit on on the regular. Hey, would you like to grab coffee sometime?). I object to singling out women. At restaurants this happened a lot and I was never offended and it was only slightly awkward for a moment and a simple I have a boyfriend always worked as a no whether I had one or not. I came of age during a time where it was new and shocking for women to take planes, trains and automobiles on their own. if you go and she's not there, why not ask someone she works with if the girl is single.. do you know her name?? A: Lindy Hop is a dance style that originated in Harlem during the 1920s and 1930s. +1000. If I were single and shopping and met an individual Id like to ask out I would have. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. If you do say anything, I suggest giving her an easy out, such as: "Would you like to get coffee after work, or do you have a policy against socializing with customers?". Yes, it was a common interest, but I also had a certain number of reservations and sales I needed to make. My husband has recently asked me about a mfm *****. Please think very carefully about about out a retail employee. The ball is in her field as of now and she'll be the one to decide if she wants to play. I am quite new to relationships, but the signs she gave me are promising. +1. I know what youre saying about the stalking: Ive been there myself and would never want to put someone in that position. TL;DR: I was 1000% sure this guy liked me, I asked him out and found out he didnt. I had my co-worker give him a note from me and he did call me up. Thanks gsa, Im actually not really comfortable asking someone out, and then there is the whole customer/employee dynamic, but it sounds like Im going to have to be the one to make a move so thanks for the reinforcement! The girl in the booth at the post office will also talk to you. my lying coworker claimed someone said I couldnt eat at my desk, telling recruiters I wont move to states that discriminate, AirTag etiquette, and more. Is part of the joke that theyre attempting to steal the line from John Carpenters movie _They Live_? Your interaction with the cashier is constrained by work rules (she has to be nice to you) and also social norms. This might be a Western European city, or an 'East' German village, who knows. Once you feel (please, do try to assess objectively) she's feeling somewhat comfortable, go in for a more direct hit. I mean if I forgot something I wouldve just gone in and said, I forgot this and say my goodbyes again. Thats a pointas the OP is gauging this guys interest, she should observe how he acts with other customers. I agree that asking someone out can be different than hitting on someone, but for me as a woman in a publicly funded service role (library type work) Im pretty sick of being seen as on display and treated as a piece of meat at a buffet that people can ponder, look at, ask questions too, and ask out. Asking is out is just Let me know if youd like to grab coffee sometime. And yes getting asked out does often make me feel uncomfortable if Im not interested. ;). I wanted to ask her out or leave a note but last couple times I get super nervous when I'm about to do it. That said I think that the fact that you know it could be awkward speaks well of you, OP. An employee could reasonably feel just as trapped into responding favorably to the polite request for a coffee date as a skeezy come on. At his job, he has to be polite. Google Schrodingers rapist if you want the full scoop. Answers always gonna be no if you dont ask. You can guess empowered is too, but there's a third: ability. (Helpful hint: if hell only text and wont talk on the phone, that is often a sign that he has an SO of some kind). Ill remain concerned that if a trend of two people people meeting public and getting to know each other has become zomg dangerous and exploitative, and dont know how yall are going to make it through. Her having to worry about that violates the principle of empowered. Women should never go to an unfamiliar mans private address. Sheez. And heres my story to support that: back in my retail days, I worked in a shop that primarily catered to women, and men coming in tended to get a bit of special attention since they were something of a rarity (and often needed a little extra help from the employees). A better idea would be to go b No. Honestly, I think you get lucky or you dont on meeting people. This will help reduce any anxiety and make it easier for you to get the words out when the time comes. And don't stand there making big puppy dog eyes and blubbering while you wait for her answer, just "see ya" and leave. I had to over-analyze every word that came out of my mouth so as not to sound too friendly or encouraging. Just let them do their jobs. Archived post. A response that is far more common than a many guys seem to think. The Im having a party, stop by if youd like does seem like a good possible compromiseI think its because thats phrasing the request in such a way that the burden isnt on the employee to say no. Just FYI: I've had male cashiers say things like "Nice to see you again", and it doesn't mean they want to go out with me, ok? She seemed interested, so I just asked "Are you new here? No outside videos or links - mods dont have to verify if it follows the rules. And for what its worth, having been a barista and worked at Target, there really wasnt any appreciable difference between being asked out and being hit on. A boy can regenerate, so demons eat him for years. bulding up your anxiety is all.. .. have you asked anyone there casually where that one girl is, and what's her name?? Then, awkwardness. I think theres a power differential between the customer and the employee that youre missing here. The OP posts an innocuous I see you every day at the 7-11 and I think youre cute but the employee thinks she posted the one that lists off 200 acts the Kama Sutra never dreamed of. A phone number may be voluntarily given later, but should be asked for by saying "hey, I'd like to stay in touch with you" and let her choose out of the variety of contact methods that exist today. Even if you dont mean for this to be the case, you are in a position of power when you are his client, and its inappropriate to initiate something like this when youre not on equal terms. Super cute girl at a gas station I go to a lot. ( However, I wouldnt give too much info about the places you frequent, just because you dont know him that well. That doesnt mean that I feel the same way having crude comments shouted at me on the street. Sure. The guy was CLEARLY crushing on her, he was like he forgot something at the store so he came back, and proceeded to just chat further and she was smiling and just allowed herself to be responsive. A woman, by her nature, is careful with whom she picks as her mate, biologically speaking, women carry a big responsibility for their off-spring. NC for a month already, I dont think shes coming back. It was pure stare porn, and she flushed and sighed. I mean there are always like 5 people before and after me, and I think it would be awkward if we are changing numbers while customers are waiting behind us. I don't like asking people out at their workplace, it's her job to be there, I don't want to make it awkward. Adult education class. Asking while she is serving you as an employee violates empowered because she is effectively cornered: she can't step away, she has to serve you. No one likes that. Try to keep your same happy attitude towards her whatever the result. Its like when people say that women who are catcalled should feel flattered and that theyd personally feel soooo flattered if they had strangers harassing them on the street. Your lindy hop can lead to a special moment for both of you, making the experience more memorable. Oy vey! the expected level of anonymity and dehumanization :-) ) it is probably culturally accepted that if the person in front of you is engaging in conversation with the cashier, you politely wait. IMO, it is always 100% creepy to ask out a server/service employee waiting on you, period. I hated that aspect. Oh wait, I did actually end up in a four year relationship that had been a customer and he ended up being a creep with major control issues, but that could have happened no matter where we had met. The best answers are voted up and rise to the top, Not the answer you're looking for? Start off with a simple conversation, like asking how their day is going or making a comment on their work. But at least you put the ball in her court but have not placed any demands. For example: "I like to grab lunch here before going to [Public Event You Enjoy]". But I think there are easier first dates. Absolutely. A: Be direct and sincere when asking the cashier out. The employee feels panicked and caught between a rock and a hard place, like he may not be able to turn the customer down without pulling down the wrath of management, and what had been a friendly encounter now turns into a recurring nauseating anxiety. I work in a library so I dont have any other environment to compare it to but there are students who do not understand boundaries and do not understand the difference between friendly customer service and flirting. Be prepared, your number might end up in the bin with a dramatic gesture, putting you on the spot right then and there, you might be labeled a creep and denied access to the store, depending on how much this tends to upset her. Keep a close eye on who listens intently to what youre saying, and who just wants to hear themselves talk. In your case, if she declines, you must never mention it again and pretend like it never happened. I did get hit on a lot way back then but it was always little boys who wanted me to come over and play and have milk and cookies later because their mom just made the best, etc. I love that show, I wish they would bring it back.
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